The theme of this post is hipster fashion. Here’s what I hate:

-Hipsters that wear glasses for no other reason than they think it looks cool.

(Unfortunately, applies to this guy as well:)

-Hipsters who drink beer “ironically”. Specifically, I am referring to PBR. Like this guy!

PBR is AWFUL. AWFUL. The only people who should be drinking PBR are people who can’t afford anything better. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) The reason hipsters drink PBR is because of how cool it makes them feel to be wearing A Bathing Ape jacket and drinking some of the cheapest, nastiest beer on the planet.

-This guy.

-Hipsters who try to wear New Era fitteds. Just roll with your fucking bangs, man. Don’t try to improve on perfection.

- Umm…hipsters with chest tattoos(?) Wigs(?) Plaid shirts(?) Booty shorts(?) I will offer props to the guy(?) for not drinking PBR though. Well done, guy.

-Hipsters who ironically like Andrew WK, and not for the incredible music the guy legitimately makes.

-Hipsters and their fixed gear bikes.

There’s more (oh yes, there’s more) but I’ll try to keep things relatively short and sweet so I can continue making posts about hipsters. Here’s a thought: throw a topic my way and I will hate on it in a future post. Any topic at all.

(Special thanks to “Look at this fucking hipster”.)

When the teaser trailer leaked last Thursday, there seemed to be a lot of “WTF’s” sweeping the internet. What are these blue things, what is this movie about, why is everything so bizarre looking. I had some of those questions myself. After seeing the sneak preview though, I will see this movie in theaters. And I HAVE to figure that is the response of just about everyone else who saw the footage.

Why? What happened in the preview that convinced me? Some plot device that explained everything in a nice little package? Glorious blue alien titties? No. IT WAS THE FUCKIN’ 3D, MAN.

Jesus H. Christ. I’ve seen shit in 3D before. And it’s been intriguing, but kind of gimmicky. (Shit flying out at you and all that jazz.) The 3D Jimmy Cameron is utilizing in this movie though–it’s goddamn incredible. Using some type of IMAX glasses (that I truly have no idea how they work, but that’s probably just a function of stupidity), you are immersed in this movie. In the footage we saw, rather than knives flying out at you and the audience gasping, you feel as though you are a part of what’s happening onscreen. There is no doubt in my mind that every single person in that theater was thinking to themselves “Holy shitballs.”

I have a girlfriend who, when the topic of “Star Wars” or “Lord of the Rings” or anything remotely science-fictiony comes up, automatically defers to the statement: “I don’t watch that nerdy shit.” She was with me for this preview, and don’t kid yourself–this movie is about as sci-fi nerdy as it gets. Afterwards, she was pretty much awestruck. You just can’t help but be sucked into the story. There was a chase scene between the character that is (presumably) the “hero” of this movie and whom you know pretty much next to nothing about, and some wild alien wildebeest insect. And just because of how intense and how involved you feel with what is taking place onscreen, you can’t help but watch it on the edge of your seat. You want the guy to escape, you want the insect to get fucked up. Just amazing stuff.

As for the plot, the only footage we saw was from the first half of the movie, so everything I said in my original post about this movie is still basically everything I know. This statement, however: “Word is the footage shown at Comic-Con did look very cool, but didn’t necessarily set the world on fire in terms of the technical aspects” is complete and utter bullshit. Cameron INVENTED cameras and technology for the sole purpose of filming this movie, and after seeing what portions of that end result looked like…good goddamn.

Based on the experience alone, this movie is gonna be straight up heat rocks. Do I know if the dialogue is going to be profound? No. Do I know if the character development is going to be fully realized? No. But I do know that it’s going to look  like no other movie that’s ever been made before and visually…it’s going to blow your head out your asshole. And that is enough to get me in the theater opening weekend.

/shining down

So I’m back after a LENGTHY hiatus. Where was I and why was I gone so long? Let’s just say a very embarrassing video came out featuring me and I needed to lie low for a little while to let the heat die down.

No, not this one.

THIS one.

(Trust me…if one more person asks me about that damn remote control, I’m gonna FUCKING LOSE IT.)

But that’s all neither here nor there. The 2009 Comic-Con went down this past weekend, and JGoods asked me to write about it. So here’s the skinny.

Let me begin by saying: I was planning on going to Comic-Con this year using a few leftover dollars from the Creativity is King discretionary checking account, but I ended up blowing it all on a new pair of shoes. Sorry, loyal blog readers. I’m as embarrassed as you are.

Anywho, after checking up on all the coverage that occurred over the course of the weekend, I feel like I am as qualified (if not MORE qualified) to talk about 2009 Comic-Con than anyone who was actually there. Did you realize that 87% of the attendees of 2009 Comic-Con were bloggers? I sure didn’t!

I just made that statistic up, but my guess is that it’s not too far off. Isn’t the only reason people do ANYTHING nowadays is so they can blog/tweet/myfacespace about it? Actually, scratch that. You don’t actually need to do anything to entertain people via any of those channels. Note this recent tweet by Ashton Kootcher (sic):

Friday night… Sigh. Ahhhhhhhhh

Now if that doesn’t stimulate the ol’ mindgrapes, I don’t know what will. But I digress.

Comic-Con 2009. This past weekend. Here’s what you need to know, in the form of questions “asked” by people who don’t actually exist.

Q: NJG, everyone keeps talking about this “Avatar” movie. What the hell is it and why should I care about it?

-M. Hunt, Mobile, AL

A: The reason why every nerd wants you to care about it is because it is directed by James Cameron. And he directed “Terminator” AND “Terminator 2″. And “Titanic”. And “True Lies”. And all four of those movies made a shit ton of money and were all pretty entertaining, Celine Dion songs excluded. (He also made a bunch of movies about discovering large boats on the bottom of the ocean, but those made less money and didn’t feature Jamie Lee Curtis stripteases or Kate Winslet titty-balls.) Cameron has been working on “Avatar” for some ungodly amount of time and it’s supposed to revolutionize the world of 3D movie-making. Word is the footage shown at Comic-Con did look very cool, but didn’t necessarily set the world on fire in terms of the technical aspects. A quick rundown of the plot: set in the future, humans are on a hostile planet, they get plugged into shit and are able to take control of big blue aliens to help navigate said planet. (Now you don’t even need to see the movie!) But anyway…this will continue to be a very hotly anticipated movie from now until it gets released. Hope that answers your question, Mr. Hunt.

Here’s some concept art of that big blue alien btw:

Q: NJG, is “Kick-Ass” going to…kick ass? ; )

-Llewellyn Buckingham, New York, NY

A: Well, Mr. (Ms.?) Buckingham…it sure as hell sounds like it is. First off, it’s being directed by Matthew Vaughn, whose “Layer Cake” is a fucking excellent take on the London gangster film. Secondly, in case you were unaware of the plot, here it is: guy who has no superpowers decides he wants to be a superhero and ends up finding out…he’s not the only one who does this. This movie is supposed to have some pretty incredible, not to mention incredibly violent, action scenes. (Quick sidetrack: a bit of viral marketing for this film that has been on YouTube since the comics started coming out.) And speaking of comics, this movie is a bit of interesting case: the script was written and the movie started filming before all of the comics in the series even were released. Also of note: Christopher Mintz-Plasse has a large role in this. You can’t go wrong when McLovin is involved…that’s just a rule of Hollywood. (I mean…most of the time.) I am probably more excited about this one than just about anything from Comic-Con this year.

Q: NJG, they’re making another Iron Man?! The first one SUCKED!

-C. Bale, Los Angeles, CA

A: First off, guy…if you thought “Iron Man” sucked, I got news for you…it did not. It was a completely different tone than “The Dark Knight” (as that is the most obvious comparison), but it was entertaining as FUCK. I can only assume you’re trying to get me fired up, because there’s no way ANYONE thought “Iron Man” sucked. But yes…there will be another “Iron Man” and it sounds like it’s shaping up pretty well. I don’t know any of the history of “Iron Man” but this one is gonna have Black Widow (ScarJo), Whiplash (my boy Mickey Rourke), and War Machine (which is an alternate Iron Man suit with way more weapons that gets inhabited by Rhodey, who is Don Cheadle in the place of money-grubbing Terence Howard). Jon Favreau is back directing this, so pretty much the entire world is expecting great things.

Q: NJG, I got a two parter for ya: 1) I never saw the first Tron–should I give a shit about the second one? 2) Why ARE they making a second one?

-L. Leftfoot, Atl, GA

A: 1) No. 2) I don’t know.

Q: I always kind of envisioned that a Tim Burton directed “Alice in Wonderland” would be creepy as fuck. What say you?

-R. Incmikowski, Minneapolis, MN

A: I agree with you. I can’t say I am really excited about the Tim Burton “AiW”, but I will definitely check it out. I can’t say I would mind too much if Tim Burton kind of just rolled through every popular children’s movie ever made and remade them into nightmare fuel. That seems like a fairly cool way to make a living. “The Little Mermaid” with Helena Bonham Carter as Ursula, Johnny Depp as the Prince, etc., but set in the sewers of early 20th century New York. I JUST MADE DISNEY $300 MILLION DOLLARS.

Try to fall asleep tonight with this face burned into your retinas:

Q: NJG, will Megan Fox in “Jennifer’s Body” get me from 6 PM to Midnight?

-J. Rolinsgaminweiss, Tallahassee, FL

A: Yes.

Q: NJG, what’s the story with “Where the Wild Things Are”? I loved that book as a kid.

-G. Wilson, Compton, CA

A: Behind “Kick-Ass” this may very well be my second most anticipated movie that got a big reveal at Comic-Con 2009. I LOVED this book as a kid, and I think just about anyone who read it (or had it read to them) when they were younger loved it as well. And it really seems like Spike Jonze got this right. Watch the trailer and featurette here and try and tell me this movie doesn’t look incredible. I am so excited to see this, as it truly seems like it captured everything I felt when I would read this story as a lowercase g.

Q: Anything else worth talking about get any press coverage?

-N. Watson, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

A: There was some stuff about The Hobbit, Jonah Hex, Sherlock Holmes, District 9 all revealed at Comic-Con 2009, but nothing all that exciting. There was one thing that wasn’t talked about a whole lot in the coverage I read, but I am fairly interested in learning some more about:

Now, if you’ve seen the movie “Overnight”, it should completely AMAZE you that this movie has somehow managed to get made, but I am curious to check it out. I am not as big of a fan of “The Boondock Saints” as I once was (as I am fairly certain just about everyone my age would say), but this piques my interest.

And that is everything you need to know about 2009 Comic-Con. Hit up the comments with any (further) questions, comments, or general “what the hell do you know’s”.

Good to be back.

Let me begin by saying I don’t watch “24″. The Jack Bauer Power Hour does nothing for me. I think it’s boring shit that is incredibly predictable and amazingly stupid. I think that “lone government agent single-handedly taking down entire terrorist groups/dictatorships/nations” has been done to death. (See also: the novels of Vince Flynn.)

I will also say that generally speaking, I don’t read fiction. I’ve always felt that there are so many amazing stories out there that are true that I’d just rather read those than something someone made up.

However, I will make exceptions when the situation calls for it.

A few months ago, I stumbled across an article that Stephen King wrote for Entertainment Weekly where he talks about chick lit (books written specifically for women) vs. “manfiction” (books written specifically for men). I think Stephen King is someone worth listening to when talking about the writers HE reads so I was pretty interested in what he had to say. Nothing really caught my eye though, until the last paragraph:

I saved the best for last. Lee Child’s tough but humane Jack Reacher is the coolest continuing series character now on offer. Reacher has also rescued his share of damsels in distress. He wanders the U.S., sometimes hitchhiking, more often riding buses. He dresses in cheap workingman’s duds bought in chain stores, pays cash, and (this is the part I really love) he used to carry only a toothbrush for luggage. He satisfies the most elemental male daydream, which is at bottom quite sweet: to ramble around and help out when help is needed. Possibly with a Beretta, a blowtorch, and a submachine gun.

A hobo who solves crimes with extreme violence?

SIGN. ME. UP.

After reading the first book, I was completely hooked. I am gonna give you a quick rundown of the character of Jack Reacher. If the following does not interest you, go back to reading Perez Hilton and What Would Tyler Durden Do. Also, fuck yourself.

Here’s the deal. Jack Reacher is a former military policeman. He spent 15+ years chasing deserters, criminals, etc. all over the world, was damn good at it, and received some of the best training the military has to offer. When he was discharged, he decided he didn’t want to settle down somewhere…he just wanted to be a bum. So that’s what he is. Spends a couple nights here and there, traveling all over the U.S. by bus, hitchhiking, by walking, whatever. Carries an ATM card and nothing else.

And he gets into adventures. These adventures are sometimes by pure happenstance, other times people come looking for him. And he is far and away the most badass, most merciless literary character I’ve ever encountered. If you mess with him, he will injure you in the most painful way possible or kill you outright. No fucking questions asked. And not only that, but he’ll probably take the money out of your wallet because he’s a HOBO, for god’s sake.  The guy does not get scared, does not mess around with night vision or automatic weapons or camoflauge, and does not somehow wind up assassinating the Prime Ministers of made-up African countries.

He will stab your brain with your nosebone (/prodigy) and think absolutely nothing of it. Stephen King says he’s “humane”–yeah, to all the women he gets busy with over the course of a novel. Remember that Dos Equis commercial about the most interesting man in the world? “He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.” That’s a pretty apt description of Jack Reacher.

If I haven’t sold you yet, I never will. Do yourself a favor…find this book and read the shit out of it:

If you like it, there’s about 10 others in the series that are just as good, if not better.

If you don’t like it, go check out “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” or whatever other bullshit you so desire.

/peabo bryson

Of course, you knew that the rest of the major shoe companies would follow (after they got over the complete SHOCK Nike was able to do something like Nike ID–I can virtually guarantee you that adidas/Puma/Reebok had nothing even SIMILAR in the works before ID came out). And so they have, with varying degrees of success.

For the purposes of this post, I am going to go through the following sites and let you know the positives and negatives of each site:

-NikeiD

-Puma Mongolian BBQ

-YourReebok

-mi adidas

To top it all off, I will post a picture of the best shoe I could come up with in under 5 minutes using each respective site.

Let me end my introduction by saying…fuck all these sites. Go here instead: http://www.thejgcustoms.com/kit/

With that said…away we go.

-NikeiD.

The good: Their selection of base shoes to start from is truly second to none. And not only that, but you can customize bags, backpacks, t-shirts. You could get them all in the same color scheme and be the coolest kid on your block. (I’d stay away from heavy reds and blues if your currently residing in South Central LA.) Their site is crazy easy to use, doesn’t require any excessive loading times, and just has an all-around great look. Also, great graphic representations of the shoe. You know exactly what you are gonna get when you buy it.

The bad: Not much. I think a key area Nike could use some improvement in is the types of materials available on the shoe. Most of the other sites offer several separate types of material on a given part of the shoe, whereas Nike’s max materials offered on most shoes is 2-3. It’d be nice to see some more of their popular shoes available for customization, but that is a pretty minor point.

My 5 minute design:

(By the way, please ask for my permission before you buy any of these colorways. Greatness in shoe-color picking ability is something you’re born with, and that genius should be rewarded.)

-Puma Mongolian BBQ.

The good: Damn near everything. This site is fucking incredible. The materials/color selection are ENORMOUS, you can customize just about every last detail on the shoe, easy to navigate, etc. And the demonstration of what your shoe will look like is awesome. (Take a look below–that’s from the goddamn site!) Puma may not have many options for actual shoes, but they have perfected just about every other aspect.

The bad: The only real negatives are the load times and the fact that you can only pick from three shoes. Another possible negative is that I would be worried your real life shoe wouldn’t look as fucking KILLER as the shoe how it looks on the website. A minor quibble though.

My 5 minute design:

-YourReebok.

The good: Tons of options available in terms of base materials: suedes, faux skins, patent leathers, etc. Pretty easy to navigate site, no big load times, etc. Sweet “here’s what your shoes look like under jeans and kicked up on a ledge overlooking a vast metropolitan city” view, as opposed to just the normal boring “here’s your shoe” views.

The bad: Terrible color selection. Terrible shoe selection. TERRIBLE name. (Really, “YourReebok” is the best you could come up with? Your brand name with the word “Your” in front of it. Really.)

My 5 minute design:

-mi adidas.

The good: Not much. If adidas wants to compete with the rest of these guys, they need some SERIOUS upgrades. The graphics work is okay, but it’d be nice to have a more “real world” version of what your shoes will look like. Right now, they’ve got a virtual reality, “Tron” sorta feel to them.

i.e.

I honestly can’t think of too many more positive things to say about their site though. There are some interesting material options available, but with only 8 colors TOTAL available, it limits your options considerably.

The bad: Like I said, the color options are way too few. The actual site design is incredibly basic, and I mean that in a bad way. Radio buttons have no place on a site like this. Shoe choices are extremely limited (and made to look like they aren’t by showing a bunch of different colors of the same shoe.)

My 5 minute design:

And there you have it. Each site does certain things well (and in some cases, incredibly well). NikeiD and Puma MBQ definitely top the list, followed by Reebok, followed by adidas. I don’t hold out much hope for Reebok, since all of their shoes completely suck and aren’t even worth customizing in the first place, but adidas really needs to step their game up. They have a great selection of shoes to choose from, and they should be able to put together something a LOT better than what they currently have.

-And on that note…Sugarland and Adele performance? Fresh beer time!

-I haven’t heard ANY of “In Rainbows” but the whole marching band deal is pretty awesome. How tight would that be to just be in the USC Marching Band and getting a call from Radiohead: “Hey, you guys wanna perform with us at the Grammys?” I would say that’s one of the few times being in a marching band is actually pretty cool.

-T.I. and JT…is it just me or is “Dead and Gone” the best song off of “Paper Trail”? No way it’s just me. Whoa…pick up the pace, Tip. Also, is it just me that idolizes T.I. in terms of “stocking hat on my head” placement? That guy can place a winter hat at a precarious angle like nobody’s damn business. Him and DJ Drama got the “Is that hat gonna fall off his head?” game ON LOCK. Props to T.I. for going with a Savion Glover-esque plastic paint drum band instead of gospel choir.

-“Hey, we’re still cool! We gave Obama a Grammy!” I hope everyone realizes this is normally where they tell people not to download…oh, there it is.

-Neil Diamond…starting out with “Sweet Caroline”…you fuckin sellout. Anyone else ONLY able to think of Will Ferrell when seeing Neil perform? Haha this is a fucking awkward performance. “Hey there drummer from Coldplay! Hey there black guy!” This is the performance of the night. Doesn’t compare with his “Saving Silverman” performance, but you know…not bad.

-The kidnapper from “Ransom” is introducing Lil’ Wayne!? What. The. Fungus. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Gary Sinise and Lil’ Wayne were best friends. “Shooter” is the best song Robin Thicke and Weezy have done together, hands down. And come to think of it…damn near the best song Weezy has ever recorded. If you think different, you don’t know anything.

-Weezy won Rap Album of the Year…no real surprise there. It’s just as well…I didn’t think any of the other albums up for awards really were head and shoulders above the rest. Very mediocre year for rap music, IMO.

-Allison Krauss, Robert Plant, T-Bone Burnett…that’s about exactly what I would expect from an Album of the Year winner. Solid, incredibly well-produced music.

-Robert Plant and Allison Krauss are supposed to clean the fuck up tonight…their music doesn’t necessarily sound like my normal kinda shit, but I might need to check it out. Especially since this is what Plant would rather be doing instead of performing/making a new album with Led Zep.

-Jennifer Hudson performing. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it? Although, I gotta admit…when you’re looking to add a little extra “oomph” to your performance, follow these simple instructions:

1) Sing your song halfway through.

2) Complete song with gospel choir as backup.

-Jonas Brothers…with Stevie Wonder?! Oh Stevie…Stevie, why?! WHY, STEVIE, WHY?!

-Blink 182 is back together. Yay. Did Travis Barker break his arm recording another Soulja Boy rock remix?? (ZANG!)

-It’s kinda weird that Coldplay can win a rock category going up against a band like Metallica, but that Chris Martin is so damn charming that I can’t get too mad about it. Oh God…I think I just got the gay.

-Katy Perry performance…I honestly don’t get the whole “fruit” theme, and the fact that the entire video for this song does not feature a single kiss between girls is lame. Wait…is the “fruit” thing a reference to gay people being called “fruits”? I doubt it…but hopefully.

The Jonas Brothers are not amused.

-HOLY SHIT. IT’S YE! At least he’s wearing something “Kanye-esque” and not shit like that Paris picture with his entourage…that was just embarrassing. You know what else is embarrassing? His fucking hair. It’s a black man’s mullet…I can’t think of any other way to describe it.

-I don’t know who “Adele” is.

-Morgan Freeman is rocking a fake hand. I swear to god. If you DVR’ed that shit, go back and take a look. That is a Chubbs from “Happy Gilmore” honest-to-god fake hand. I wonder why…

-Kenny Chesney performance. Fresh beer time!

-Another one for Plant/Krauss. I feel like M.I.A. should took it home for “Paper Planes”. That truly seemed like “Record of the Year”. Oooh…you know what I just realized…Diddy had that “Come With Me” song that sample Zep’s “Kashmir” and word is Robert Plant was not happy about it—awkward!!

-Oh snap…it’s the “Swagga Like Us” performance. Haha holy shit…M.I.A. is HUGE. Today is her fucking DUE DATE. That’s impressive. (The…Rap Pack?! ZOW!) This is also T.I.’s last performance before the slammer…yikes. Lotta energy in the performance, lotta superstars…this is about what I expected. Not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing(?)

-Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl…that ain’t a bad combo. Plus I always liked this song…the version of this on “Beatles Anthology” sounding like it was recorded in some dingy London club…fucking killer. Do you think the drummer normally in Paulie Mac’s backing band feels like a loser being replaced by Grohl? I know I would if I was him. Hear that, guy? You’re a bum.

I’ll split it into parts based on nothing whatsoever. Let’s do this.

-U2 starts things off. Song I haven’t heard…must be from the new album. The Edge looks sharp, as always (hiyo!). Do you think it’s an ego thing or a “performance” thing why Bono is standing above the band? I like the lyrics on the screen though…reminds me of college Powerpoint presentations…who needs notecards?? Just look at the screen casually and read what’s up there! This is a U2 song that I’ve never heard before, and yet somehow I feel like I’ve heard it 250 times…how’s that possible? Oh right…it’s U2.

-Whitney Houston looks good. 1-2 crack rocks Whitney…SO much better looking that 5-6 crack rock Whitney. Oh dear god…she’s gonna fall asleep on stage. Anyone who’s seen someone messed up on ANY kind of substance is nervous right now…

-Jennifer Hudson won. Everyone is standing up for her…I wonder why that…oh. Right. Next.

-Is JT wearing a snakeskin blazer?! PIMP.

-Gotta love Al Green. Now that man is pimp. What’s that? He’s a what? A reverend? Hmm. Whatever. Why is Keith Urban involved in this, by the way? Pretty sure one of Al Green’s house band dudes coulda pulled off that guitar “solo”. Congrats to both Al Green and JT for letting the backup singers take care of that entire song for them. Wait…that was Boyz II Men??

-Ahh…Coldplay’s performance. You know how I know you’re gay, Chris Martin? Because you’re wearing that jacket. Decent song though…wonder if he’ll segue into the Jigga version. That’d be tight.

OH SHIT. I was right…what up Jay? First live rap performance set to nothing but a piano? I say yes.

“Viva La Vida” is catchy and whenever someone is simultaneously playing giant ass drums and a huge bell…I’m sold.

-I love that the awards are far and away secondary to the performances. I got no problem with that. Carrie Underwood is up. Hold…let me grab the remote. My “Mute” button is always so damn hard to find. (ZING!)

-Don’t you think there should be some sort of rule that if a) you’re in a backing band for a country singer and b) that country singer is Carrie Underwood, you can’t pretend you’re punk rock. I mean…that drummer could be a fill-in for Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy is punk, right? You kids and your music nowadays…left is up, black is down, I don’t know what goes on.

-I don’t know who “Duffy” is.

-Oh, I get Chris Martin’s jacket now…it’s like a theme thing with his bandmates. Still pretty gay, though.

-Kid Rock is performing. I don’t really have anything to say about this song except…is that Uncle Kracker on the 1’s and 2’s? Sure as hell looks like it. Does re-recording old Bob Seger songs not work as well as previously thought?! Well, that’s a bumski.

KFAN (AM 1130) is the home of basically all of the radio broadcasts of Minnesota sports. It is also the home of one of the best radio shows currently being broadcast: The Common Man Show. The show is hosted by the Common Man Dan Cole, who is absolutely hilarious, and by far one of the most entertaining hosts on KFAN. (Go here to learn more.)

Over the course of 2008, Common kept track of the craziest, most off-the-wall/retarded things that (mainly) Minnesota sports figures (players, coaches, columnists, broadcasters, etc.) said over the airwaves, on TV, or in the newspaper. They were compiled to be used in a “tournament” of the most preposterous statement uttered in 2008.

You can read them all on this page.

However, here are some of the best. Remember, these are actual things that were said in complete seriousness by whoever is listed.

Jim Petersen: “The Timberwolves can go 6 or 7 deep off the bench”

Common: “Denard Span will win American League Rookie of the Year”

Lavelle E. Neal: Twins Outfielder Michael Cuddyer is a “moving clinic on the basepaths”

PA: Daunte Culpepper’s success in Minnesota was due to having Gus Frerotte as his backup

Ray Edwards: “This year I definitely plan on going out here and breaking Strahan’s record of 22 1/2 sacks this season.”

Ron Coomer: “Jason Kubel, when he’s going, has one of the best swings in baseball. If he could put it all together, he’d be one of the best in the game.”

Jeff Van Gundy & Mark Jackson: Reacting to Phil Jackson calling a timeout after Paul Pierce had returned to the game after what had looked like a devastating injury, JVG: “I think he’s the best timeout taker in the NBA”, MJ: “That may have been one of the best ever”, JVG: “He is unbelieveable at that”, MJ: “That may be the best I’ve ever seen”, JVG: “And I’m tellin’ you, not one other guy calls that timeout.”

PA: “Opposing special teams coaches plan their schemes around Heath Farwell.”

Lions Coach Rod Marinelli: on Jon Kitna, “To me, there’s not a better quarterback in the NFC.”

Sid Hartman: “I believe that in Gus Frerotte, the team has the NFL’s best backup quarterback.”

Jared Allen: “0-4 Detroit Lions are a dangerous team right now.”

Tom Hanneman: during Spurs/Wolves game, the 4th game of the season, said it’s like a ”playoff atmosphere.”

Fred Evans: on replacing the suspended Pat Williams, “I definitely don’t feel there’s a dropoff in talent.”