HINT: One of these two will not be receiving an award.
Since the NFL regular season is officially in the books, we decided here at Creativity is King to provide you with some NFL awards that actually matter. Not some awards that biased sportswriters give to people who they have a man-crush on (Think Peyton Manning when the MVP comes out). However, we decided to award not only the good, but also the bad, and the ugly (B-Rad above). So without further adieu, we present the first annual JGoods NFL awards:
MOST VALUABLE PLAYER:
Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings- Talk all you want about his fumbles, the Vikings won the NFC North, and it wasn’t because of Gut Frerotte or Tarvaris Jackson. Led the leagues in rushing as well as most D-Backs embarrassed. Also, there is a reason that all the kickers thank Purple Jesus after making field goals.
Runner up: Deangelo Williams, Carolina Panthers. Forfeited due to torching me in my fantasy championship.
LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER:
Dan Orlovsky, Detroit Lions- If Tom Brady got MVP for an undefeated season, shouldn’t Orlovsky get LVP for the Lions defeated (?) season. Also, we cherish creativity here, and Orlovsky is responsible for hands-down the most creative single play of the season.
Runner-up: The rest of the Detroit Lions with the exception of Mega-Tron, Kevin Smith, and Jason Hanson.
COACH OF THE YEAR:
Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins- Pretty impressive that they are in the playoffs considering their best offensive skill players are Ted Ginn Jr., Ronnie Brown, and Pretty Ricky. I liked his show too.
Runner up: Tom Coughlin, New York Giants- Although he looks like he would have no problem eating your children while coaching, they still managed to get the NFC top seed while dealing with Plax and added expectations after winning the Super Bowl. Kudos to you Tom.
WORST COACH OF THE YEAR:
Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys- Breaks my heart to do this because I really liked Wade after watching Hard Knocks, I kinda just wanna give him a hug. But the fact they couldn’t make the playoffs with that squad is pretty pathetic. However, this leads to a much deeper conspiracy with the Cowboys, take note of the Cowboys success with their recent coaches (Old chubby guys with white hair) Parcells, Phillips, and Campo; compared to their more svelt predecessors. Wake up Jerry Jones, hire skinny-ass Jason Garrett and you’ve got a Super Bowl (thanks to the D-Man for pointing this out).
Runner-up: Herm Edwards, Kansas City Chiefs- YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. In that case, they must have not played very much this year.
MOST IMPROVED PLAYER:
Deangelo Williams, Carolina Panthers- While some may think his breakout year was added motivation after the Panthers drafted Johnathan Stewart. However a JGoods exclusive reveals its actually because of those fantastic frosted dreads; Before and After.
Runner-up: Kyle Orton, Chicago Bears- Beloved Booze-Hound to mediocre NFL quarterback. If that’s not what this award is about, I quit.
LEAST IMPROVED PLAYER:
LaDanian Tomlinson, San Diego Superchargers- Thought about Chad Ocho Cinco, but then I realized Ocho Cinco has never been good; Chad JOHNSON was. So it is with great pleasure that I give this to LT. Looks like all of those years complaining about the Patriots and pouting on the sidelines have finally caught up to him.
Runner-up: Tom Brady New England Patriots- He went from 4,806 yards and 50 Touchdowns to 76 yards and no touchdowns. I’m not a math major or anything but I do know that is not in fact a very good improvement.
There you have it. Stay tuned for NFL playoff preview in which I will tell you who wins the Super Bowl so you don’t have to waste your Sundays watching football.
Photo Credits: http://www.sportsofboston.com (Adrian Peterson), www.bradchildressrantings.blogspot.com(Brad Childress)
December 29th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
The Purple Jeez is utterly ridiculous and I hope he is a member of the Vikes until the day he dies/his knee disintegrates into a million pieces. Fuck the fumblerooskis…he’s gonna make it count in the offseason. He’s gonna make the Iggles D look like a bunch of cotton-headed ninnymugginses.
/homerism
Also, Peyton Manning did have a great year but I think his true calling is starring in Mastercard commercials. I’ll be damned if that ain’t one likable motherfucker.
As for the Super Bowl, sorry NFL and whatever network is broadcasting it…that shit is NOT gonna be the Giants-Colts even though that’d make all of you corporate assbag’s dreams come true. I wanna see the most small market teams possible in that shit…aka Tennessee and Minnesota. Chris who?
February 25th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
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February 25th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me. Thank you
February 25th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
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March 24th, 2009 at 3:17 am
Very nice Vikings information. I think Peterson will be a star in Minnesota.
I hope to be in Minnesota for a game this fall.
December 4th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Hey what was he thinking, that’s nuts
January 28th, 2010 at 10:15 am
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